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Sunday, August 2, 2015

What is life?

I can't be the only post-grad struggling with the future, right?! Well, if I am, just pretend with me here.

I went to school for four years. Some of the hardest years of my life, really, and came out the other end thinking "I am done, I know what I'm going to do, and I am going to love it!" Well, I started what I thought would be a life-long career. Unfortunately, I didn't love it. In fact, I felt so out of place doing that work, it did not feel fair to continue it. So now I'm here, not knowing what I'm doing next. It's a frustrating spot to be in because I have someone who is counting on me to make decisions, make moves, and make money. I feel a bit like a failure, but in perspective, I'm not the first to change career paths. 

It is scary to think about, to feel like I may be starting all over again, but I'm only 23, I'm still young, and I have time to figure it out, right? I keep thinking that I'll think of something, get a job or go back to school and BAM! it will be perfect. But I'm realizing that life doesn't really work that way. Life doesn't always just fall in to place the way you want it to, need it to, or even think it should.

I'm really struggling with "Let go and let God" because I want answers right now. I hate not being in control because, c'mon, it's scary! But, I've learned that my faith really drives me. If I just leave it up to God, he will lead me down the path I am supposed to be on. If it's meant to be, God will let it be. 

If you're struggling with anything, or know someone who is, I urge you to reach out to a family member or friend, or pray if you are the praying type. Getting out your struggles, sadness, frustrations, or thoughts can be very therapeutic.

Xo, C*

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

How long has it been?

I don't even write this blog for anyone to read anymore. I think I just need an outlet to write myself. Why do I keep it public? Because in some ways, it keeps me accountable. If I post I'm going to do something, well, I should probably do it. If I don't, in some ways... I start to feel guilty. If I say something... well, now it's out there for the whole internet to see FOREVER. Is that a good thing? Most times, not. Just head on over to my other blog, the teen mom one, yeah. I'm a little disturbed at the things that I said as an 18 year old. But in my head, maybe, just maybe, I gave someone a different perspective, or I changed someone's mind about something, or maybe I prevented another 18 year old from making the mistakes I did at that age. And maybe NONE of that happened and I'm just full of myself. Whatever ;)

Lots has happened since August.
I graduated. YES. Freakin' finally.
4 years of college with a baby/toddler/preschooler was TOUGH. And not to mention the destructive relationship I started with. Ugh.
But everything seems like such a new start.
New city. New job. New-ish relationship. New state of mind.

Things are looking up. I love my little family. I love my job. I love my relationship. I love my life! :)